Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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