Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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