I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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