worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
