So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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