if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
