I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
