the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
