just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
