booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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