My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
