How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
