can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Of course I have a pirate flag
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