I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
