There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
