Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
