I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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