Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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