So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
