i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
