What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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