In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
