a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
