How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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