If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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