I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
