You made me cry and you don't even care
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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