Farmville is her only friend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
