Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
