Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
