the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize