apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
