I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
