So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
