He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
