i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
