So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
