So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
