He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
