We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
