Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
