But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
