i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
