I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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