I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
