a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
tell me about the fingering
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