Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
