I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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