Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
