is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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