i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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