i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
