Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
