is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
