Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
