sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
