Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
