matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
