I will die if light touches me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
