WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
