If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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