you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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