This is not my ceiling
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
