this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
