She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
