I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
