Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
