So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
