I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
