i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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