drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
